Ok I said i would never do this again, but I was asked to do it for a website so I figured I would put some on my own page since no one will see it on that website. Call me a hypocrite, whoopdi do, sue me.
Just from the title alone one might think this is some rant from a guy who has been spammed once too often, by “models who want to meet and actually hang out with me,” technical problems or just sick of the myspace crap that goes on. Not at all, I don’t mind myspace even with the 10 billion bands from other planets who want to be my friend and want me to “listen to this.” Being a comic, I use the myspace thing to promote myself also and realize its power. Here is my issue..TILA TEQUILA? Someone please explain to me who this praying-mantis-in-a-bikini is and WHY does she have a show? From what I gather she is a model who has the most friends on myspace, and that warrants getting a TV show? I may be partial to artists being a comic myself, so when I see bands, comics and writers reaping the benefits of myspace I love it, but TILA TEQUILA? Why do we need another “hard working” model on television spewing simplicity by the gallons onto the airwaves by having a reality based show about girls and guys fighting over some “6” who has nothing interesting to say while the whole set is crying during the duration of the show? I don’t know, I just know a bunch of great talents out there who deserve to have some sort of shot at a television show. I’m not even talking about me,TRUST ME on that, I wold never in a million years bring up the subject of doing a show about myself. But back to the bisexual lemur, if having a zillion friends on myspace can get you a reality dating show on MTV, lets all just friend request everyone on Tila’s page and maybe we can have a show that rivals hers on the Douchebag network. The reason all these contestants on these shows walk around with hardly any clothes on is because NO ONE WOULD WATCH OR CARE OTHERWISE. So lets think of a name of our new show, how about the Joe Conte Show? A reality dating show where a group of girls who look like the chicks from 90210 going through menopause have to fight, do stupid tasks and answer silly Joe Conte trivia. Like… how much does Joe spend on massage parlors weekly? How many times in a month has Joe fucked things up with a girl because he thinks she doesn’t really like him, and is just trying to sell him a timeshare? And why doesn’t Joe get circumcised as an adult to help raise his self esteem a notch? I think THAT would be a great show, some honesty, real life questions and a smidge of humor. I say lets do it. So I figure this much, if TILA WHATEVER THE FUCK DRINK SHE PASSED OUT FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE can put the executives at MTV under some voodoo spell and convince them to do her show, then let’s either do my show,or redo Tila’s by having her on the Discovery Channel getting chased through the Serengeti by a group of molested-as-chlidren game show contestants with appetites for an untalented, gamey myspace whore.